Being a parent is hard, but being a better parent than Kazuya Mishima from Tekken is very easy. Judging another person’s parenting skills is ordinarily off-limits, but he is such a scumbag that it is totally fair game. Let’s be real — trying to kill your son and running an international mega-corporation committing crimes against the world on a daily basis is not a great look.
His son, Jin Kazama, has had his own moral shortcomings and villainous acts of murder, but these are clearly just cries for help. We are not qualified parenting experts, but Kazuya Mishima is not qualified to be a father either, so here we are. We want to offer the martial artist some healthy suggestions of different activities he can do with Jin to make up for the years of trauma. As it stands, he is the world’s worst father, but here are 10 ways that Kazuya from Tekken could be a better dad.
Write some Mad Libs
Just imagine the breakthroughs that Kazuya and Jin would have if they just sat down with a Mad Libs book and started filling in the zaniest nouns, verbs, and adjectives they can think of in the blank spaces where they totally do not belong. A good laugh could help open the avenue to addressing violent family trauma. Old habits die hard, so they would likely start with something like, “Carol went to the temple at dawn to seek vengeance and destroy her enemies,” but everyone has to start somewhere, I suppose. This is a healthier form of bonding than attempted murder.
Go Birdwatching
What could be more relaxing than birdwatching? Kazuya and Jin would probably get a thrill out of sitting in a nearby park, keeping an eye out for a gentle dove, a compassionate robin, or a majestic hawk. Perhaps sketching out their favorite birds, sharing them, and complimenting each other would be a healthy exercise. These are the kinds of calm, precious moments these blood-thirsty lunatics should share, filling their minds with quiet inspiration instead of complete malice.
Play a Board Game
Who’s up for a game of Monopoly? Wait, actually, a game of brutal capitalism is the last one Kazuya should be allowed to play. How about a game of Risk? No, wait, that would be even worse. Okay, what about Clue/Cluedo? Kazuya spent years searching the globe for his own father Heihachi Mishima to confront and murder him, so his powers of deduction should impress his son and make for a memorable board game night. Pictured above is not a fun board game night.
Toss the Ball Around the Yard
We do not know if Kazuya Mishima has a front yard, with a cleanly-cut lawn and a white picket fence, but this would be the perfect setting to just toss a baseball back and forth with Jin. If he does not have such a space, I suppose they could do this on the rubble of a village decimated as a result of horrific war crimes committed by Kazuya’s mega-corporation, the Mishima Zaibatsu. Whatever. Just anything other than ritual sacrifice.