You might remember that I couldn’t beat Spelunky 2's first stage, no matter how hard I tried. Well, I'm proud to announce that my fortunes have since changed and that I've bested it. I should say "we", as my achievement was aided by a co-op pal, and the only person on Earth patient enough to accompany such a terrible Spelunker. We even reached the first boss, and the level after that! Before we both got splatted by an anti-gravity zombie-puppet-that-lives-underwater.
Aside from my – our – achievements, I learned that the game is a perfect measurement of fatigue. Where rulers calculate distance or Ollie's highly scientific WIPERS precipitation system measured the best rain in games, Spelunky 2 is the ultimate tool for accurately determining just how tired someone is.