Kenny Omega is one of the co-founders of All Elite Wrestling, and current AEW World Champion. He's @KennyOmegaManX on Twitter.
Austin Creed (AKA Xavier Woods) is a member of the 10-time Tag Team Championship-winning crew known as The New Day, and the host of gaming YouTube channel UpUpDownDown. He's @austincreedwins on Twitter.
As the sun began to shine on a bright morning day, two kings were awakened...
Kenny: Ooo, I like this! So who's the other king? The suspense is killing me. Me ANNND?
Austin: Well, I was trying to imply that we were both kings...
Kenny: Wait, YOU'RE A KING?! Okay well, maybe I don't wanna be a king.
Austin: Okay fine, Kenny. What would you like to be?
Kenny: A... umm... I got it! A King Slayer!
Austin: ...
Kenny: What?!
Austin: It's a great idea Kenny. Really, terrific stuff, and I think it's got legs. But... can we just stick with my story this year, please?
Kenny: We always use your story!
Austin: And for good reason! Continuing on now...
Each had been tucked away in their respective kingdom, as was the agreed upon by mandate of the land. But today after self quarantining, testing, and appropriate meeting measures were taken, the two kings were to have their yearly duel upon the battlefield.
Kenny: Wait, wait, wait... I'm sensing a lot of parallels here, Creed...
Austin: Ugh.. That's kinda what I'm going for here, Kenny! ANYWAY
Everyone in the land knew of this yearly occasion, but no one was allowed to attend. This yearly event was simply for the kings, and if a soul was lucky enough to hear the tale that year, then blessings be upon them. And this year, my friends, that blessing shall fall upon you as our tale begins.
We find our warriors in full medieval armor approaching each other on a field of tall grass as far as the eye could see...
Kenny: Armor huh? I like your style, Creed. I want a chainmail vest with a black sleeveless shirt under that. And a moustache too!
Austin: That's... extremely specific. Wait... Are you trying to do a Bennett from Commando thing?
Kenny: I was trying to vibe with the narration! I wanted something appropriate for the era.
Austin: Commando came out in the '80s, dude.
Kenny: Exactly. We're going for a medieval thing this year, right?
Austin: Incredible. So, on another, more important subject... your test was good, yeah?
Kenny: All negative and self quarantined out the wazoo
Austin: So we don't have to skip this year then!
Kenny: Oh, this is the song that never ends, Creed.
Austin: And it goes on and on my... ahem. Nevermind. Hey! Congrats on becoming world champion!
Kenny: *puts up his dukes* What's your angle here, Creed?!
Austin: No angle, just, you know... sayin'.
Kenny: Oh... well in that case... congrats on the... uhh... G4 gig?
Austin: Why thank you, Sir. I'd also like to say congrats on the RedCon deal.
Kenny: Well I'd like to say congrats on that cool Gears of War collab. Oh, and congrats on the successful return to ring! And--
Austin: Whoa whoa... this is getting weird, man.
Kenny: Yeah, something here doesn't seem quite... kosher?
Austin: Yeah, whenever I see your face there's usually like the slightest hint of respect--considering you're one of the best in-ring performers ever--mixed with a ton of hatred, but I... I don't feel that right now?
Kenny: OK phew! I thought it was just me! But yeah, you're right. Normally I get a little red in the cheeks and feel all warm and tingly when I consider the fact that no one works harder than you at what you love. But then I remember I'm untouchable in the ring and I'll probably be your son's hero, so there's like that massive feeling of responsibility looming over my head.
Austin: Right? I normally wish ill fortune upon you, like hoping you wake up one morning and use a glue stick instead of chapstick, but not today.
Kenny: Exactly! Any other day I'd say you look like something I drew with my left hand. And let's just say it felt like someone else's hand!
Austin: I'm not quite sure that's how that one goes, but I see where you're going with this...
Kenny: So, we're doing this?
Austin takes a long, exaggerated breath of air, before unleashing a long dormant, and powerful attack.
Austin: BoooooyyyyyYYYYYYYYYY if you don't get yo sunglass wearing moldy ramen noodlehair lookin' assssssss up outta--
Kenny gathers his own air and strength before channeling his own energy right back at his friend.
Kenny: If you don't tuck that rusty-ass trombone between your legs and retreat back to wherever your hairline went this year--
Austin: THERRRRRREEEEE WE GO
Kenny: Yeah, that's the stuff. Much better!
Austin gives Kenny a noogie, which Kenny then turns into a shoulder throw, which Austin miraculously counters to a flip to his feet and tells him to bring it (symbolically) using the ‘come hither’ finger gesture.
The two kings stare each other down. Each grabbed the hilt of their respective swords, and slowly approached one another. The pace quickened from a walk to a jog to a run. Suddenly, they both sprang into the air, swords unsheathed and glinting in the pale moonlight. At that moment, two young children walking by caught a glimpse of this. Astonished, they instinctively knew they were about to witness--
Kenny: The intro to Ninja Gaiden!
Austin: Close!
AUSTIN CREED and Kenny Omega's Top 10 Ga--
::Phone Rings::
Narrator: Talk to me. What? Yes, that's what I said... No, I absolutely am not doing it again. I already--Oh, double what he paid me? Well, when you put it that way. You got my Venmo, right? Perfect, thanks.