Many of the games we played this year were full of great stories and compelling characters. But we also saw our fair share of goofy-looking, embarrassed chowderheads. Whether lovable or loath-able, here are some of our favorite dorks of 2020.
10
Ares
Eons ago, Zeus imprisoned Typhon under a mountain. Naturally, when the monstrous giant escaped, he had a bone to pick with the Greek gods. As a joke, Typhon turned the deities into a variety of useless creatures, but the joke was on Typhon because Ares was useless even before he was transformed into a rooster. As a god, Ares was a prideful hothead who didn’t understand his place in the pecking order. After you restore his essence, he quickly reverts to his old ways. We preferred this birdbrain when he was an actual bird. At least then he was only a bottle of hot sauce away from becoming Buffalo wings.
9
Dissentor
Everyone in Harmonix’s musical mashup is a total buffoon, so we thought it would be hard to pick just one standout loser. Then we met this arrogant rich kid with daddy issues whose name makes him sound like a 12th-generation Decepticon. Dissentor makes every other DJ in Fuser look like Han Solo. Seriously, this guy is like the antimatter of cool; if he just bumped into a leather jacket, they’d probably annihilate each other. Does Dissentor think that mask is fashionable, or is he just trying to hide from the shame he feels every time he looks in the mirror?
8
Gulliver
Gulliver is a seagull who wakes up on the beach one day after what was likely a club-soda bender. Sure, he’s got a pun-tastic name, but he basically coerces you into finding the missing parts of his broken communicator so he can contact his "missing" crew. However, the further you get into his story the more it seems like his crew might not really exist. Hey Gulliver, we’d be happy to introduce you to a few of our friends, but unfortunately, they all live in Canada. Yes, they’re real! We just don’t have any photos … because, uh ... because they’re invisible people.
7
Dusa
Sure, Dusa has a face that could make onions cry, but she's still endearing. As the maid for House Hades, this disembodied Gorgon's head keeps everything clean. Dusa stands head and shoulders above House Hades’ entire staff. She has a slightly annoying, high-pitched voice and a tendency to bolt every time you take a step toward her, but those qualities only make us want to get to know her better. We have so many questions. For example, what does she feed her hair? Live rodents? We’d love to ask her, but for someone without feet, she sure runs fast.
6
Kenji
Kenji is such a mess he's like a walking blooper reel. Every time Jin encounters Kenji, he ends up pulling Kenji out of a fire he more than likely lit himself. Whether it's smuggling sake past Mongol invaders, selling fake supplies to raiding parties, or stealing the belongings of the country’s fiercest ronin warriors, Kenji is always scheming up the wrong tree. Maybe you’ve heard of face blindness? Well, Kenji has bad-idea blindness. If a plan sounds like it’s going to fail, that’s probably because it’s coming out of Kenji’s mouth.