Casey Malone is a professional comedian and game designer. You can follow him on Twitter.
Good riddance! Right? I don’t have anything profound or inspiring to say about 2020 here, but that seems ok. We’re all sick of talking about it. I consider myself exceptionally lucky, in that I’m safe and stable during an age of pure catastrophe, and even I’m drained thinking about the past 12 months. I mean, remember when Josh Gad became completely inescapable as soon as we went into lockdown? God knows that’s been taxing for us all.
But let’s focus on the good stuff. Did the chance of a hot person seeing the inside of my apartment this year drop to 0%? Sure, I could dwell on that. But did that free me up to finally get a gamer chair? You bet my sweet ass it did. So, for a few hundred words, here’s a list of things that brought me joy last year. Who knows, you might even be on it.
10. Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1 + 2
Activision finally let Vicarious Visions loose and they gave everyone exactly the Tony Hawk game we’ve been demanding. Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1 + 2 is the platonic ideal of a remaster, where every addition--new progression systems, tweaks in art direction, new skaters--channels and amplifies the spirit of the original. I mean, thank god they got the soundtrack right. This game rules, and if I was 17 again, it would be much higher on my list. But that’s not Vicarious Visions’ fault. Unless… they can’t remaster me can they? I need to make some calls.
9. Cribbage with Grandpas
So long, Hearts! Take a hike, Bridge! Eat shit, Canasta! Cribbage is the king of casual classic card games, and it’s back, baby.
Cribbage is a favorite card game of mine, ideally played in the summertime, on a porch, with someone who’s temporarily out of things to talk about. Cribbage with Grandpas captures that spirit--instead of playing against a faceless AI, you build your grandpa with their own skills and personality, and just have a nice afternoon with him.
Maybe he’s crabby. Maybe he’s encouraging. Maybe he tries to convince you to let him cheat. But no one’s having any heavy conversations, and there’s just enough chatter to make you feel connected to the man across the table from you for a relaxing few rounds before Grandpa needs his nap.
8. Tabletop Simulator
God, I love playing board games. Setting up all those little bits and bobs and doing a quick rules refresher before spending three hours hunting down Dracula with friends, or just pulling out a hidden role game and watching friends break into a cold sweat while we figure out who was lying (or how to lie to each other). It’s not the thing I miss most about pre-pandemic life--leaving my apartment literally at all currently tops that list--but it’s up there, and until I can gather with friends again, Tabletop Simulator is putting in work.
Tabletop Simulator is mostly just a robust physics simulator--i’s users create the (dubiously legal) adaptations of existing board games for people to download. And while it’s a bit of a jalopy--it’s clunky, finicky, and occasionally unstable--I’ve logged over 80 hours playing it since May, and any recap of my 2020 in gaming wouldn’t be complete without it.
7. Paper Mario: The Origami King
Let’s talk about Toads. There are 135 hidden Toads in Paper Mario: The Origami King, and when you find every one of them, you’re met with an absolutely perfect one-liner. Each one spits out a quick joke that’s so funny it would often make me mad! Most modern games that want to be funny do so by giving the player space to find and make something funny happen--games like Quiplash, or even Gang Beasts. Paper Mario: Origami King scraps that and goes back to an old-school joke parade, where every new environment and NPC is an attempt to get a laugh out of you. And it does, a lot! Which is really hard! I mean, look at this paragraph you’re reading right now. I tried to find a way to work a joke into it and failed. Which, I think we can all agree, proves how hard comedy is and not that I should have worked harder while writing this.